The Corporate Runs
An Office Encounter"I'm glad you could see me on such short notice," Jerry said before Tripper even had a chance to sit down. "Yea, well Freddie told me it was important that I talk to you," Tripper said. He sat down and leaned the cricket bat he had brought with him against the wall. "Freddie thinks very highly of you. I think he considers you a sort of mentor." "I've felt that for sure, even though I'm not quite sure what to make of it," Tripper said shaking his head. "So what's so important?" Tripper seemed to be all business and Jerry liked that. "Well, the fact is," Jerry didn't hesitate to answer, "we're running pretty short handed and we could use a programmer of your caliber to help us ship. I know there are strict rules about cross-recruiting in the company so let's just consider this an 'informational' where you can hear about what we're doing and then you can come to your own conclusions about what to do with that information." Tripper nodded but didn't say anything. Jerry seemed to be on a roll and he wanted to hear the real heart of the pitch. "You're the type of guy I could see building a team around. Have you ever worked with Freddie?" Tripped shook 'no.' Jerry was usually very reserved when recruiting. He liked to maintain a balance between making his points and not promising too much. Tripper was certainly used to this and kept his internal parser running while noticing Jerry's perfect hair that matched the perfect creases in the collar of his v-neck corporate logoed polo shirt. Jerry spoke on as if reading from a teleprompter. "I'm sure he'd love a chance to work with you. He's practically told me so. I don't know how much he told you about what we do here, but I'm hoping with Freddie's help someone like you could handle portal performance and contribute to the overall architecture, performance-wise and otherwise." "What does Freddie do here now? For some reason he found it hard to explain when I asked him." "Yes," Jerry said with an unconvincing laugh, "it is hard to figure that out sometimes." Jerry stopped laughing just in time to realize that Tripper wasn't amused. After an awkward, pregnant pause Jerry quickly grabbed the reigns again. "Freddie's been working on the build system," Jerry said very straight. "For a very long time now." "The build system sucks." "Freddie's working on it." "Freddie's working on it by making it suck?" "Let's just leave it at 'Freddie's working on it' and I think it's time he moved on. He's a valuable asset but I'm hoping someone like you can inspire him in more productive ways." Both were ready to change the subject, but Tripper wanted to see Jerry squirm a few more times. "I think I know what your project is about. It seems pretty important, high impact and all that. That's fine, but that kind of thing tends to attract a lot of flies. What are the chances this project ends up under Weiner?" "Hank?" Jerry was surprised, perhaps even impressed, by the question but hardly squirming. "I don't know what you've heard but there's very little chance of that," Jerry said with a kind of nudge-nudge smile. Tripper had had enough of the self-serving VP (Hank Weiner) who had muddled up too many of his projects already. He recognized Jerry's answer as knavery but figured there would be plenty of time to mine him for more details before making any commitments. Tripper actually knew the answer to the next question but kept pumping: "Who's does your QA?" "That would be Caroline," Jerry said with supreme confidence. "She's tops. You won't find a better tester in the company. She's got her hands full now but as soon she rolls off the hot fix patches release she could give her full attention to testing the portal performance effort." Tripper's parser was working double duty. He knew exactly what Jerry was saying. Tripper would not get the top QA when he joined and it might be months (if ever) before he would get to use her. The company didn't use a resource like Caroline on anything but the most strategic projects. If Tripper was to take on portal performance and if it became strategic and if there wasn't something more strategic after she 'rolled off the hot fix patches release' then maybe he would end up working with her. On Tripper's score card that read: Jerry: all "ifs", Tripper: all commitment. It was clearly the "right way" for Jerry to talk about the situation but until Caroline was officially on it, he would probably end up with yet another crazed, sleep-starved QA rookie, well-intentioned but rat-holed, overwhelmed and dependent on Tripper for plenty of hand-holding. This, plus Freddie's assumption that Jerry and Caroline were having an affair could account for Jerry's protectionist attitude. "I don't believe it," Tripper had said flatly when Freddie blurted it out. "I'm just telling you what I've heard and you know..." Freddie blushed. "No, what?" Tripper pushed. "Well, there's just this 'vibe' between them. An office encounter certainly makes for juicy intrigue if it's true." "Sorry, but I don't find sex intriguing," Tripper announced. Freddie was sufficiently disappointed and Tripper could tell he would have to explain. "Look," Tripper paused to sigh, "the desire for romance, aka 'sex drive,' takes it's shape by asking for phone numbers, being distracted at work by last night's delightfully sloppy blow job, donning face paint, extra minutes on the StairMaster, wearing tight jeans, 'stolen moment' glances across a conference table that you call a 'vibe,' etc., etc. "Meanwhile, buried deep underneath all that is this 'will to live' thing that drives humans to look for mates that will maximize the chances of furthering the species: intelligence, beauty, survival skills, nourish our children, etc. So we end up hunting for rich, athletic, smart partners with big tits." Freddie was barely following. "So there's a sex drive on top and an unconscious need to survive underneath? Why separate the two?" "Because whoever set this system up knew humans pretty well. They knew that humans could not be trusted to reason out the best way to keep the species thriving. They would simply rationalize the sex drive away." Freddie reflected. "Like you just did." Tripper was thrown. "Yea, I guess I did, didn't I? I thought it all made sense when I first heard it, but then Schopenhauer was way too into poodles for my taste." If Jerry and Caroline were having an affair Tripper saw absolutely no sign on it during the informational. Tripper wasn't happy about settling for second-tier QA when the top of the grade was so near by. In the end, he surmised Jerry's motives were more about survival in the company, not of the species as a whole. "What's your program management situation?" Tripper asked Jerry. "Well, we've got lots of open, approved head count." Jerry was trying to be spin positive, but Tripper knew full well that was code for "you're on your own, there. Build a team if you can." Maybe for the better, Tripper thought. "That's fine," he said. "I've got some ideas there that might work." "Would one of those ideas include Simon? Freddie tells me you're working with him now. Have you heard from him?" Jerry played it very smooth but all of a sudden Tripper was very suspicious. Nothing, ever having to do with Simon was straight and on the up and up. "No, I sure haven't." "Well," Jerry said standing up "I think that package has been delivered." "What exactly does that mean?" Jerry was walking toward the door. He opened it clearly signalling the conversation was ending. "I want you to think hard about portal performance, Tripper. If you want, I think we could make a good home for you here. If not, that's ok too, I totally understand. Say, do you play poker?" Reaching out his hand to the still seated Tripper. Tripper frowned as he gathered his bat and stood up. "No, I sure don't." He met Jerry's hand with a firm shake and walked out the door. "Well," Jerry said with a friendly chuckle, "nobody's perfect." |
